Burnout Isn’t Just for the Boardroom

Overwhelmed

Ever reached that point in life exhausted with whatever you are doing and wishing you could just let it be and leave? It may be yardwork, caregiving, or working in an office with job overload. But the first time I felt the weight of the word burnout wasn’t in a boardroom, but in school. Let me tell you a bit about my own burnout story.

It all started when I enrolled at a university in Kenya for my undergraduate course in biological science. Everything went well at first: getting used to the new environment, meeting new friends, and trying out new things. The first and second years passed; then, I reached my third year. At first, I did not notice what was happening inside me. I could feel a sudden increase of pressure, anger building up, the need to make money to survive on campus, and the stress of doing ‘fun’ activities like hanging out with my friends. Of course, the hangouts were not so­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ proper­.

Things at the university were very much contrary to my expectations. In my first year, I knew I was doing additional courses provided by the university because, as my seniors told me, it was laying the foundation. For instance, why were microbiologists learning about angiosperm and gymnosperm taxonomy in detail? They told me that by the third year, I would then start taking fewer units, and they’d only be related to my program. This turned out to be a lie; the number of units never decreased. Instead, many more units that I felt were unnecessary were added. In addition to these, there was the hands-on part of the program — called practicums. Most of the time these practicums were scheduled on weekends. Imagine having to attend boring lectures throughout the week, and then on the weekend when you are expecting to rest, you are required to do a practicum on a mouse’s anatomy or “the park grass experiment” to measure the biomass of grass.

When it came to class, I started feeling overwhelmed by the lectures and the assignments that were given. I could just miss classes intentionally, do assignments shallowly, and never bother to follow up on my academics. My friends were experiencing the same stress, so I felt comforted by their misery at the very least.

However, I had no option but to follow the university’s curriculum. To be sure, I was not the only one who was passing through this hectic system of learning. With resilience, I managed to clear my undergraduate stretch with first-class honors. I was also among the graduates who were able to win a scholarship grant from the university to further my studies at the university of my choice abroad. My hard work and dedication had at least and at last paid off.

A new dawn this was. I was happy that I could focus on my academics, and since it was a new environment, it would be an added advantage for me to socialize with new cultures and people. I managed to enroll in one of the best universities in Israel that offered a master’s degree in biological sciences — Tel Aviv University! Little did I know that this was the point where I would awaken all the pressure giants I had faced and thought I had shrugged off my shoulders back in Nairobi.

I started feeling weak. I lost my appetite, insomnia kicked in, and I began to procrastinate. I could postpone my research, write papers, and even attend lectures. Yet every time I tried to write a paper, I would wonder if I had done the correct thing as required. Would it be listed in the presentation panel? I felt lonely most of the time since most of my friends were not with me. At the same time, I had to look for extra money for my upkeep; the money provided by the scholarship could not cover all my needs. 

Let’s not even talk about the practicum that sent us researching  under the scorching sun of the Arava desert. 

Funnily, those who were around me at that time could not see this and instead applauded me for how I looked focused and serious. But deep down, I was going through a lot. Overwhelmed. The environment there was so much different from what I was used to in Kenya — the food, the climate, the language, and the fact that I was in one of the best universities in Israel. I was doing a work-study at the same time I had to submit my thesis for review, all while I had to attend conferences to maintain my scholarship. It was hectic, and not in a good way.

Weight a minute

Slowly, I gained weight. I was surprised when suddenly my clothes could not fit me anymore. The stress took its toll in other ways, too; I began to miss out on the activities that I enjoyed doing. Most of the time, I found myself outdated with what was trending around the world. I lost my enthusiasm for watching the news as I felt the information didn’t add any value to my life — and instead increased my burdens.

Whenever I turned on my TV or used social media, I felt disgusted. I did not know what to watch. I felt like everything was working against me. From my research, my social life, my private life, and even work-study — which was my primary source of livelihood. It hit hard when my procrastination intensified. I kept postponing everything, and most of the time, I felt trapped in the last-minute rush. 

I seemed to have a lot of problems that I needed solved immediately. The weight was beginning to exceed my limits, so I decided to share my experiences with a local friend. He had also been experiencing similar stress, but for him, he managed to cope with it and overcome it. It was at this moment that I realized what I was going through was burnout, and it was this mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion that made me feel like things were not aligning as they should. My friend recommended I start listening to and reading about matters of mental health. 

Calling out the burnout turned out to help

During this time, I came across a quote that stuck with me. According to a study from  the psychologist Demerouti (2024), ‘’While research trends offer valuable insights into burnout causes and effects, it is crucial to move beyond mere statistics and engage in open discussions about this issue.’’ I embraced Demerouti’s perspective of finding a solution to stress and burnout because it helped me in the end.

With time, I began to embrace my struggles and follow what the resources were suggesting. Through this lens, I developed a greater appreciation for my surroundings. Who knew that I would fall in love with the Israeli moshav (cooperative farming community,) and desert settlements, or that I would complete my research right in this region? Even Covid happening during my thesis presentation felt bearable. 

(Image courtesy of Anthony Cantin via Unsplash)

A brown mushroom growing out of a tree log.

The angiosperm and gymnosperm I despised in my undergraduate class finally made sense. I began exercising, fasting, reconnecting with nature, taking deep breaths, and walking on the beautiful Tel Aviv beaches, even the Arava. I began to appreciate myself for how far I had come and everything I had accomplished. The whole time I had been harsh on myself, and I was not even aware. I managed to complete my Master’s program and return to Kenya. 

Ever since, I decided to always appreciate myself and everything around me; I would let worrying be the least of my problems, and this new perspective was all thanks to my friend in Israel. So, thank you to that individual. 

You helped me overcome my own burnout by seeing and saying it.