There was something off; I knew it. I couldn’t quite name it. But it was deeper, darker than what had previously bothered me. I was diagnosed with depression at fifteen and generalized anxiety disorder at seventeen. Depression, being familiar to me, seemed like a well-worn jacket weighing me down. Anxiety seemed like a scarf, too tight, wrapped around my throat, restricting my breathing. I learned how to manage and to wear them. But this… this was different.
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Unconventional Tuesday
The morning of the first Tuesday of December, I was staying at my uncle's house because, until the night before, we had had a very unstable week. Otherwise, I'm not someone who spends the night anywhere outside. There was something about that morning that did not add up.
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Two Secrets
When you discover a secret, you have two options. I say “discover” because a secret is not made to be found out, except only by accident. I say “when” because most secrets are easy to discover, and your two options are pulled by a scale.
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Sane
SANE: A word I have never quite been acquainted with. I was brought up by someone who physically used my head to punish the walls of the house she found no peace in. How could “sane” possibly live here? Blindfolded by my desire to run from that hellhole, I thought the only road leading to happiness is marriage.
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Trust Your Gut
I was accepted into the doctoral program and was offered a full scholarship. Most people would have immediately accepted. But I didn’t.
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I Feel Closer to My Great Grandma Since She Forgot Who I Am
“Are you sure you want to go visit Grandma T? It might be difficult for you to see her this way,” my grandma, whom I call “Oma,” asked me. “Why?” I asked in return. I knew my great grandma had recently moved from her home to a memory care facility, but I wasn’t aware to what extent her mind had been affected. I hadn’t seen her in a few months. “She gets really upset sometimes,” she replied. “And she probably won’t remember who you are.”
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Why You Shouldn’t Bury Your Past
One of the biggest lies we are told is that it is possible to live fully in the moment, but the truth is we never can.
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What The Pandemic Was Really Like For An Introvert Like Me
For introverts, you’d think that the pandemic would be fun. Or at least something they’d be used to. It all sounds pretty normal: staying inside, watching something on a streaming service, and spending too much money on a food delivery app. You’d be mostly right if you were talking to this introvert. But this introvert also struggled. And this introvert even missed talking to people.
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Adventure Hostess: Making My Home a Global Community
Several people passed by my house this year. Many of them just passed by temporarily, but other people stopped by and stayed as long-term friends. For me, being an adventure hostess meant that everyone who needed a place to stay for some days, weeks, or months could come to my house. Welcoming people at home for over a year was my “specialty.”
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Cell
I handed over my watch and shoes, and we approached the turnstile where I was to enter. He supported my hand, moving it towards the small glass panel where a red beam would have scanned my thumb. Instinctively, I struggled and kicked. I was instantly cuffed by the four men who accompanied me there. The cold metal of the handcuffs cut into the skin of my wrists. I stopped struggling so that I wouldn’t hurt myself.
